This is for a scholarship, the subject is “Why do you deserve to win this scholarship?” I hope someone can read this again and give advice for improvement. Also, the essay must be less than 250 words. I believe I deserve this scholarship because I am a hard working person. Throughout my life, I have faced multiple obstacles that I have not let hold me back. I am the first person in my family to not only go to college, but also to graduate from high school. It was not an easy task for me as it would be for other high school students. When I was four my mother died of breast cancer just eight years later my father died of a heart attack. At that time, I was placed in foster care. Because of this unfortunate event, as soon as I could find a job, I had to. For those who don’t know when you are in host family, as soon as you turn 18 or graduate, you are on your own. I had to work and save all the money I could to live on after I graduated. I didn’t have a high GPA in high school; however, I worked as hard as I could to maintain my grades and make sure I had enough money to live on. I’m in college now and still working to get the best grades possible. Read and use ideas from MANY of these articles:
You MUST stand out. Simply saying you deserve the money won’t work. Saying you didn’t have a high GPA won’t work. Use the ideas in the search results above and please try again. I agree. I have been a reader for these for many years. Yours wouldn’t stand out.
Scholarships are awarded to those who show academic promise and are in need of money.
Colleges look for winners and those who have demonstrated potential or past success in leadership and community endeavors.
The last sentence, about your , is a very big negative for your essay. That’s not a word from a winner.
Think about this:
What have you done for others?
How did you do with your previous courses (remember, lots and lots of students get A’s these days). Did any of your teachers write letters on your behalf?
What do you intend to do with our lives and how does this scholarship fit into that goal? Caution here: don’t say you’re interested in getting rich or famous.
Mention what you said about being the first person to go to college and graduate from high school, but state why it’s important to your extended family, as a role model for others.
and, finally, remember that 250 words is just a few words, so choose your words carefully. Short sentences, non-vernacular, and certainly no reference to your body parts.
A very strong last sentence is important, because the reader then decides which pile your essay belongs to. Thanks, I’ll try again and repost. What makes me worthy of this scholarship is my dedication to succeed, my work ethic and my leadership skills. Throughout my years at school, I have always been recognized as a person who likes to be the best. People all over the world have dreams that never come true. One of the reasons for this is that they give it up so easily. I was raised to never give up, always striving forward to overcome those dreams. It’s just the mindset I have for myself and my future. There were many times when I could have given up on my dreams because of the bumpy roads, but I chose not to. I want to be the first male to go to college in my family. It’s a big hurdle that I have to overcome because it’s right there in my face. I want to go to college and major in business and marketing and minor in physical education. I want to open a recreation center for children in the community. I am a person who always wants to give back. Kids need a place to go after school to stay out of trouble. I also want to have multiple sports teams so the kids can have fun and experience something they might want to do all their life. My willingness to help the community while pursuing my studies will indicate my work ethic and my leadership towards society. I’m too late but you understand?